"Hey you!"

"Who me?"

"I've been waiting for you."

"What?"

"I've been waiting for you."

"Me?"

"Yes you. It's your car isn't it?"

"I beg your pardon?

"I said it's your car, the blue Metro?"

"Yes that's my car."

"Well I want your name and insurance."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Blooming heck, are you deaf or something, missus? I said I need your name and insurance if that blue Metro's yours. I've been waiting over half an hour for you to turn up to get your details."

"Would you please explain what you are talking about."

"Obvious ain't it. You pranged my car backing in there ."

"I did what?"

"That! Don't tell me you didn't notice at the time. You can't prang someone like that and not notice the bump."

"I didn't notice a bump because I didn't bump into anything."

"Come off it, lady. It's plain as day. Look at it. Your car's parked beside my car. That's mine, the red Sierra with the broken near side headlight and the wing all buckled and stained with blue paint. And lo and behold, your car's got a broken rear light and a great furrow ploughed all along the off side. And, would you believe it, there's traces of red paint sticking to it."

"What? Oh no! Look at my car!"

"My words exactly. Now will you cough up your details so I can get off home for my dinner."

"No. This is ridiculous. I didn't do that to your car. Maybe it was you who crashed into me. Maybe I should be asking you for your details."

"You'll not wriggle out of it that way."

"I'm not trying to wriggle out of anything. Look at the mess my car is in. I'd like to know how that happened."

"Think about it. Just you stop and think about it. Here's two cars, both backed up against a six foot high brick wall. They both went in backwards. One car's damaged at the front and the other at the back. Now you tell me which car caused the damage to which."

"This is ridiculous."

"I agree with you there. Just give me your insurance details."

"But this is not my fault."

"Don't tell me you haven't got insurance."

"Of course I've got insurance."

"Well then?"

"Look it can't be my fault. My car's been parked here since eight o'clock this morning. It hasn't moved. And there was no car next me when I arrived. Ask Delia. She'll be here in a minute. She only went to get a newspaper."

"And who's Delia, when she's at home?"

"From the office, she travels in with me every day. She ..... Oh no, no, not this morning. I was coming in early to finish a report so she said she'd come by bus."

"Bang goes your witness."

"Oh dear."

"Look, even if this Delia was with you this morning, there's nothing to say you didn't take the car out for a spin during the course of the day and come back and prang me."

"Of course I didn't. I've been stuck in front of a computer in the office all day. I haven't gone as far as the coffee machine never mind a jolly little jaunt in the car."

"Well I don't know how you did it but somehow you have managed to do about several hundred pounds worth of damage to my car and I want it paid for."

"There's damage to my car as well."

"Well if you would just admit liability the insurance can pay up for both of us."

"No, no, I'm not doing that. I'd loose my no claims bonus, for a start. If my car hit your car then it was someone else who was driving it; and they didn't have my permission."

"Blame it on the joy riders, eh? Yes, well, they're well known for taking Metros. That's their sort of motor and they always park them back where they got them from."

"Please, don't be sarcastic."

"Give me your details."

"I'll need a new rear door panel and a new wing."

"Right, that's it. If you won't give me your details I'll just have to report this to the police and let them take you to court for failing to report an accident. I've got your number. They can trace you."

"Don't do that."

"You don't give me a lot of choice."

"But I didn't do it."

"Prove it."

"I can't."

"Well, I can. I've got names and addresses from two blokes who were parked over there when I got back and they're both willing to give statements of what they saw."

"They can't have seen anything."

"They saw what we can see now and they both reckoned you must have done it."

"Susan, Susan, sorry I was so long. Oh my goodness, just look at your car."

"You'll be Delia. How’s about you take a look at my car too. I'll be calling you as a witness."

"What?"

"Delia, this man says I've crashed in to his car as I backed in but I can't have because he wasn't even here when I arrived."

"I shouldn't think he was, time you came in this morning."

"I got here pretty early myself."

"Look, I know this looks bad but there has to be some reasonable explanation. Poor Susan is exhausted. She's had one hell of a week and she's just put in a ten hour day, glued to her desk under a lot of pressure to meet an well-nigh impossible deadline. But she did it, and right now I should imagine all she wants is to get home for a well deserved rest. She can do without your wild accusations."

"It doesn't seem so wild from where I'm standing. All I want is her insurance details. If I don't get that I'm reporting this to the police."

"I didn't do it."

"You're not going to go to the police about this."

"Details or police; it's all the same to me."

"Susan, have you got your insurance policy with you?"

"No, ’course not."

"Right then, let's compromise. Give the man your business card. It's got your phone number. Perhaps he has a card to give you in return."

"No I haven't."

"Well then, write your name and phone number here in the margin of my newspaper. Tomorrow, when Susan’s rested and you've calmed down a bit, you can get in touch with each other and try to come to some agreement. If not, you’ll have to let your insurance companies sort it out."

"All right. I'll leave you to sleep on it - if your conscience will let you. But remember, if you don’t play ball within a couple of days, I will go to the police. I've got your name now, Mrs Susan Potter, and your car number and I've got numbers for those two blokes who'll give me statements; so you dig out those insurance papers when you get home. I will be in touch."

"Thanks Delia. Thank you for getting rid of him. I was too exhausted to cope with his aggression."

Good riddance to him. I hate men who feel justified in picking on you, just because you're a woman."

"He didn't pick on you."

"I weigh thirteen stone. Men don't argue back at me."

"Oh Delia, you're wonderful; every last ounce of you."

"Come on, you're exhausted. Give me the keys and I'll drive."

"Would you, would you please. I don't think I can face it right now." "Home quick then."

"Take the short cut up Wootton Lane."

"I don't think we’d better. See, in the paper this evening; a boy got killed, knocked off his bike doing a paper round up there this morning."

"Better take the bypass then."

"Driver didn't even stop. Can you believe it? But the police say they're confident of catching him because his car's bound to have a nasty bash."